Slow beginnings

Despite being widowed for several years, I've not really felt inclined to share my thoughts on the process until recent times. I've been reading beautiful and heart-wrenching sentiments from members of the widowed community over many months & like many others who have commented, these eloquent accounts have seen me nodding in agreement & shedding many tears.

These authors have already described integral components of my story. For example, several writers have covered extensive topics such as

• the unique needs of the widowed, newly or otherwise;
• the comments & suggestions of family, friends & acquaintances (both positive & negative);
• the burdens of functioning alone in a financial/practical/psychological sense across all spectrums of life;
• the aloneness in the midst of others;
• the commonalities with other types of loss;
• the uniquely different characteristics of spousal (insert all other couple relationship types here) loss compared to other types of loss;
• the validity of all types of loss; 
• etc; etc

Moreover, these thoughtful, & thought-provoking accounts of personal experiences of widowhood, in concert with the active communities of the widowed, have given us validity & voice. If I had to choose an era to be widowed in, it would be now!

However, I didn't choose widowhood - it chose me.

The LOML (love of my life) & I had been a couple since I was 15 & he was almost 17. At the time of his death, we had been married for 34.5 years & were together several years prior. He had a congenital heart defect, had endured several open-heart surgeries, & was subjected to constant TIA's (mini strokes). When he was feeling well, he renovated our first home; built us a lovely house from the foundations to the roof, including all of the interior fittings; made stand-alone furniture; landscaped gardens for all six houses we have owned; helped out in his family's business; built a canopy for his father's boat; took care of all maintenance items around our home, my parents' home & his family home; ensured our children's vehicles were all repaired & maintained.

In 2002 he was diagnosed with a Stage 4 melanoma. He had a minor stroke which saw him hospitalised in 2003. His heart finally failed him in 2006. My life will never be the same.