Coincidence or Communication? Image or Imagination?

Caution: Proceed with care. Contains traces of spiritual concepts.

COINCIDENCE OR COMMUNICATION?

• Family gathered at daughter's house soon after LOML's death, discussion pertaining to him. Lights flicker several times in quick succession.
• Discussion regarding financial implications of his death. A psychic the very next day came straight to me (at a public gathering - she didn't know me at all & certainly wasn't expecting me) & told me "he's very sorry he had to leave you in such a financial state". [He had no choice due to his long illness & consequently, no prospect of life insurance].
• Same psychic told me my Dad was present, & that he had passed from "something with the pancreas". My Dad died from pancreatic cancer.
•  I was clearing & packing LOML's personal belongings for storage, when a song from the 1960's played on a radio station I don't usually listen to. LOML often played this song on his guitar. I commented out loud "That doesn't really impress me. If you're really here, you'll ensure our favourite song XYZ is played". Five songs later, XYZ was played.
• 6 days prior to his death, I attended an acquaintance's funeral. Commented to LOML "I never want to go through that much emotional pain", in reference to the deceased's grieving family. LOML replied that my experience of the same was inevitable. Discussion of the potential of an afterlife ensued, with LOML proposing a "secret question" to be answered to verify his continued existence. Psychic mentioned above alluded, in detail, to that question, on a separate occasion.

IMAGE OR IMAGINATION?

• Visiting my brother, he offered me an onion, that he had pickled himself. I have never eaten onions, but decided to be polite & accepted his offer. As soon as I put it in my mouth, I "saw" a vision of my LOML in my sideview, as if in a photo frame, laughing heartily.
• On a random occasion, I "saw' LOML walking down our driveway. He had a pensive expression, & his clothes [in full colour] were exactly like those he'd often choose when alive. Curiously, I couldn't see below his knees.

These are a mere example of the many of these I had experienced in the early days after his death. However, despite a willingness to believe, I find myself still deliberating over the authenticity of such experiences, at times more convinced than at other times. Overall, I believe that the afterlife does indeed exist, & that they truly walk our journey with us.

As an aside, one of our seven grandchildren has experienced Granddad since his death. You can read his account in a book by Christine Duminiak titled "Heaven Speaks To Children". His particular section is "Granddad Has Powers".

You don't know what you've got till it's gone

Well, this is not entirely/necessarily true in the widowhood experience. I really appreciated my LOML whilst he was still physically present, but realised his absolute worth after his death. All part of being human, I guess.

But my health has been on a downward spiral since he took his last breath, exacerbated by my persistent nonchalance, & manifested as neglect of my body, & reluctance to participate in healthful pursuits - all things that would ostensibly prolong my life.

I'm sure that I won't really know what I had till it's gone. However, I'm finding it really difficult to elevate the care factor, despite my cognisance of the benefits to both myself & my loved ones. They want me to be around for much longer than my fifty-seven years (or so they say :o)).

I once read of a widow who felt similar apathy , until she faced a life-threatening illness. Encountering this illness, she quickly realised that she preferred to be healthy after all. My social psychology lecturer would nod in agreement - he taught that we cannot accurately predict our own behaviours in a specific situation, despite thinking we know what we would do (he actually stated that in relation to a bystander scenario, but works here just as well).

So the question remains: will I reevaluate my stance before my choices have evaporated? To use LOML's favourite phrase (clause, to be accurate): "Time will tell". In the interim, if you have found a particular strategy helpful (to begin to care again), I'd love to hear it.

No, not grief ... but certainly a legacy of it :(

Random Grief

In the whole scheme of things, I believe I am well on the way to recovery from grief (this of course, depends on which day you ask me). The missing him will NEVER leave, nor do I wish it to, but the rawness has gone & a reluctant acceptance has settled into its place.

At almost five years I am well past the firsts, which bring the widowed & other grievers to their knees. I have listened to his music; I have visited places he & I once visited together; I have commemorated recent anniversaries, birthdays & other special occasions with a deep longing, but without a tear being shed; I have laughed at & revered things he'd said & done; & I've loved & remembered him every day, with every element of my being. I've even listened to acoustic guitar music, which I thought I could never endure again. And ultimately, I have survived.

Why then, did a particular song from his CD collection, randomly selected whilst out driving, not even related to grief, & one that I've listened to several times since his death, totally wipe me out today? I cried as though I was reliving the first days & feel utterly exhausted. It genuinely felt as though he was present with me & paradoxically, I acutely felt his loss.

Random grief!!! Damn you, you interloper!!! I am very capable of honouring him without your presence!!!

It's a blogging kind of day

All of these blog ideas are now tumbling around in my head. I hope they soon simply go away, to allow me to visit my reading list of blogs.

My new cult :)

I often find myself wishing that I had been born into a culture that embraces death, rather than fearing & grieving it. I have made no attempts to research if any cultures do this in a wholehearted manner, & your knowledge of these, if applicable, will be most welcome.

In the interim, I may introduce my own culture of death. I may even formalise this into a cult-like experience, wherein all members must be grateful for their loss, with the prevailing assumption that loved ones have gone to a better place where they now live an unencumbered & fruitful life.

Within my model, absolutely no person will grieve, overtly or covertly. When faced with an impending or actual death, those involved will have previously initiated a detailed plan of response, including afterlife communications ie how, what, where & when; a commitment to a reunion in the afterlife; & a contract to live out the remaining earthly years in fulfilment of her/his valuable life. Of course, no loving word will have been left unsaid & no behaviour left undefined. This will then serve as an adjunct to living effectively in the interim between here & there.

I am obliged to introduce the moralistic code of good vs bad, since the cult members will be reluctant to embrace joyfulness in the event of evil within their midst.

The fear of mortality will be mitigated, since death is discussed openly & honestly, within the life-eternal paradigm. Of course, many forms of mortality will still occur. Members of this cult will be educated that once a life has passed, by any means, that soul has returned home & joy will ensue, both here & there.

The 'wake' will truly be a commemoration of an earthly life passed beyond. It will be a demonstration of love toward, & gratitude for that life & a promise of an impending reunion, all within the spirit of merriment.

No afterlife concept will be derided without full, open-minded investigation. There will be no right or wrong ways to commune with deceased loved ones, only those that provide comfort without fostering vulnerability.

Old concepts & rituals will be welcomed, as long as they exist in the spirit of joyfulness.

Sound like religion to you? Or spirituality? I don’t mind which you prefer, as long as no doctrine impinges on the overall tone of celebration, truth of the afterlife existence & great potential for afterlife communication. Actually, I will include this as a given.

I have read that the souls in the afterlife view birth (to those on earth) as a sad occasion, since they are losing one of their own; & death as a celebration, or homecoming. This of course, depends on one believing in reincarnation, which I do not in its totality. In my view, reincarnation should not present as a one-size-fits-all & needs to be dissected to reveal all of its elements. Only then will we approximate the truth. & I may still choose to question its existence.

End of sermon J

Monogomy ~ in the common use of the term

 {Disclaimer: This will not be an essay on the subject, so I do not apologise for omitting relevant academic material, such as full definitions & aetiology}. 

Very recently, I viewed a current affairs program wherein the 'strains' imposed on a person’s natural instincts by monogamous practices were highlighted. The interviewee spoke of the natural state of polygamy in humans; how monogamy is culturally, rather than innately determined [then enacted by law in all Australian states & territories]; & the adverse effects of boredom within the monogamous relationship. Her partner was also interviewed, with the conclusion (for them at least) that the preferred state is an open relationship, which they believe will maintain the longevity of their primary relationship. Only time will tell if this is a successful strategy for them.

I concur that our particular early culture, partly predicated on the inherent practical benefits, has determined our monogamous practices (or polygamous, if that is your experience). I also agree that we were not necessarily “pre-programmed” to be monogamous across the lifespan of both parties, if we were fortunate enough to get a lifetime with our loved spouses/partners. But I can certainly appreciate the benefits of a loving union committed to monogamy.

The process of grief after the profound loss of a spouse/partner is a tentative journey, even secure in the knowledge we shared a deep connectedness, to the exclusion of all others (competing partners). So many emotions are evoked, analysed & if we are fortunate, resolved in a positive manner. Imagine the adverse impact a current rival for that person’s attention, & dare I say it, affection, would invoke. I am not suggesting that, in the initial example above, the persons involved would allow affection to complicate their liaisons, but these things have a way of simply occurring. As in illness & death which seem to occur randomly - there seem to be no rules or conventions.

My own monogamous union over 34+ years of marriage, 1+ years of engagement & 2 years of dating have not changed my mind about the value of monogamy. While I accept every other person’s preference for an alternative relationship if they so desire, I have no regrets. I’m pleased to report that boredom was never a significant issue. I wouldn’t have traded him for anyone!!!

I sincerely hope that the persons interviewed never have to put their practices to the death test.